Memory Lane...

        

      Here is where irony reigns. Don't walk the Memory Lanes involving loved ones who've died. You can look and grab glimpses here and there..The lane should be draped in caution and warning signs that say Quicksand ahead....can get marooned in depression and memories of what had been and what is no longer.  

     But there is one particular Memory Lane that each of us should take a walk down every day...and it will never be draped in caution signs because that only happens when the memories carried on that lane are of people no longer alive and with you.  Jesus is alive...and always with you.  You'll die but He remains alive...so walking THAT memory lane only increases Faith levels of what He's done for you in the past...since He is still ahead of you too...the lane doesn't hurt your heart.  It's completely different than all the other Memory Lane-ing you can do in life.  God wants to you look back,  see all that He’s done... for you, all the times He’s been there.  All the ways He has carried you….held you...and helped you.  Remember and even share! The other Lanes just bring pain once your loved one heads to heaven.   After awhile...can be nostalgically bittersweet but...mostly pain.
    Because Jesus IS actually still alive and well and right next to you...there's no thorns, no thistles, no quicksand, no potholes...no cautions or warnings are found...on your Memory Lane with HIM!!.  It’s ironic I know.  But it’s truth even so.  

So be very careful when you decide to go down memory lane.  Do it while married...regularly!  On each anniversary, pull out the photo albums or go to your computer folders..whatever you have that show things you've gone thru TOGETHER!  To share the memories of what you've shared each year is healthy and terribly good for your marriage.  It reminds you why you're together.  What you've gone through, and done together.  God puts a high priority on His people remembering what He's done for them in the past...it builds faith and strengthens the present relationship, trust, and hope in it.  So do that on each anniversary.  Consciously go down Memory Lane with your husband.

But...once he dies,  stay clear.  Warning signs will need to be posted.  But....not the lane that you and God travel along.  THAT lane, like the one with your husband, needs to be gone down frequently WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE.    Since God never dies, that one is forever without caution signs. 

     

best new years resolution, if married, has nothing to do with dieting...

Nope.  The New Year and daily resolution you should be making is ...Communicate.  While real estate is all about "location, location, location", Successful marriage is all about..."communicate, communicate, communicate".  Which has absolutely nothing to do with talking!  Most men which their wives would talk less!
         Unlike real estate, there's a couple more adjectives and verbs to add to your resolution than just to communicate.  Add "honestly, honestly, honestly" and your husband will also add, "concisely, concisely, concisely" to that.!  lol.
          Men are terribly simple.  Feed them.  Give them great sex that they (and you) enjoy (a topic for another time :),  and...make sure your husband is aware you "admire them".  Yup.  Simple.
         Food, sex and admiration.  It's not their physique you should admire, though if they have muscles, or a hunky hairy chest or great eye color...do tel them you find those things terribly sexy :).  You'll see the chests expand.  But men need to know their wives admire them as providers. Or at least their sincere attempts to be "the  "Provider" and "Defender" of the home.  This role of manhood is often not acknowledged by ladies and in todays liberal, equal rights views of many ladies, it is considered passe.    But I disagree.   It is an ingrained role in the DNA (in my non-liberal, non-equalitarian view :) of most men...that they are to "provide" for their family and are to be the "protector of the home".  Let them know they achieve this daily! That you admire them for these attributes and all the other character attributes that made you first fall in love with them.
          Women on the other hand, achhh!!!  So totally complicated, unlike men. Feed, admire and meet sexual needs are so not first and foremost on the list of any female.  Our list of needs....can fill pages.  But...if you truly do boil the list down...it comes down to one thing.  Women want to know their husbands "treasure" them.
         But our simple husbands not only don't know that.... but usually have not a single clue how one communicates "treasuring".  Women don't know how to explain it well either.  Our men ask us, "what's wrong?" We answer "Nothing!" or "I'm FINE!" because, of course..they should KNOW!  Even though we ourselves can't put it into words either ...when we feel unappreciated, unacknowledged, and un-treasured. If you have a hubby who thinks telling you that you're "looking good" covers "treasuring" is deluded. Women don't want to be treasured for their looks but in spite of them.   Make sure your hubby knows "looking good" or denying the obvious "needto go on a diet" has nothing to do with making a woman feel treasured.  It's not bad!  It's a very good thing for them to do and they should do it...regularly. But it's not the puzzle piece that makes us happy deep down inside. That is feeling as if we are his treasure.  He values us beyond words...second only to God.
         And we know when we don't "feel treasured".  We may feel takin for granted but definitely...not as if we are the treasure your hubby covets and delights in having as HIS!  When husbands ask us, "what's wrong?" they usually get the response...."Nothing!" (cause husbands should already KNOW what is wrong) or "I'M FINE!" (which again means anything but and woe to the hubby who doesn't get that).
            So for this to be in nugget form...make a resolution this year and every day ...to communicate your feelings. Calmly.  Concisely (men will SO appreciate if it is concise and not a manifest or litany of complaints).  Tell them you need to feel you are their treasure. Talk to them about what they can do to make you aware that they do treasure you. Not just "why they should" :). Read the definition of "treasure" (as a verb) with your husband.  Read the definition of "admire" (as a verb) with your wife.
           And be sure to have great food and great sex :).
         

Got kids?...tell them no

     It's really hard when you ask God for something heart-wrenchingly important especially when it is for your kids.  Their big eyes full of pleading tears and little hands tugging on yours as they plead for what  "is THE most important and best thing ever that they truly need to be happy!"  We did it ourselves when we were kids to our parents. And, after we're all grown up, we still turn our big eyes full of pleading tears and put our hands together in prayer as we ask our heavenly father for the things that can't be wrapped in shiny paper and put under Christmas trees,  or,  next to birthday candles.
     Grown-up prayers are usually still for our kids though.  Or for ourselves or our hubby but the difference is that they're usually for things you can't get in the store checkout line.  Nope.  Grown-up prayers are usually about health, healing, jobs, money to pay bills, and for   dreams.  Our dreams.  Our kids dreams.  And we still want, so very much, to hear God answer with "YES".
      When I was a kid, I begged my folks for so many things.  Always with big pleading tear-filled eyes and tugging on their hands.  I got "No" a fair amount of the time. And when I demanded to know "WHY????".  My Mom or Dad, who I knew loved and adored me, gave me the answer I hated the most...... "because I said so".   Usually this was followed by, "and stop asking me!   I already told you no!"
       I know I was extremely loved by my parents.  I have a memory of playing our backyard and my  Dad showing up with a box of a dozen donuts in his hand and big smile on his face!  I love that memory. We hadn't even asked for donuts! That's how God is.  He gives us what we don't ask for but that He knows we love and delight in.  And sometimes God doesn't give us what we DO ask for. Because  He knows, in only His inscrutable wisdom-way, that our prayer or want isn't actually good for us, or at least, not what is "best" for us right now.
       When the answer to a grown-up prayer is no...and accompanied by silence  (eg: God's way of saying, "because I said so")...it hurts just as much as a no from your parent when you were 5 standing in the grocery store check out line with the toy you "had to have" in your hand.  Usually worse but you can't tell from the way a 5 year old reacts...that tantrum and distress can look pretty painful!   No's are hard no matter the age.  Especially when all you get from God is silence (translation... "No").    But our belief in a loving God remains unshakeable when you're used to being told No by parents who loved us...so much... our whole lives.  And because we're used to hearing our parents often follow their No's with the words, "because I said so"...we understand we don't always get to have an explanation.  
      It's important to say that to your kids!  Don't give them everything they want just because they ask  with tears and pleas when maybe you "don't" have the money to buy this or that thing!  Or maybe just shouldn't for better budgeting reasons.  And  don't "not" buy your husband something REALLY GREAT for his birthday or his christmas stocking because you "spent all your christmas budget on the kids".  Telling yourselves... "well...Christmas is really for kids anyways.... We're fine.... We don't have to have this or that.... We just want them to be happy" is a mistake.  Santa (in every Santa film every made...gives kids ONE gift...ONE!  And Jesus only got 3 gifts on Christmas...remind your kids of that.  If I had Christmas's to do over again, I would give no more than 4 gifts each (3 for Jesus which is from Mom and Dad, and 1 from Santa) and buy Mike something that cost maybe as much or more than what I just spent on the kids!  Because I want to see his eyes light up and to have him recognize that I put thought into him..because he is beyond special to me. Your husband is  a gift from God to you...just as your kids are.
      But Mike and I told ourselves ALOT of christmas'es and a lot of birthdays that it was all about the kids.  And we rarely got each other much of anything. Because we didn't have lots of money in our budgets.  We lived a paycheck to paycheck life. And little hand-tugs and teary eyes turned our parental hearts to mush. Thankfully...God continued to put enough holes in our budget that, in spite of mushy hearts,  we had to say no.   ALOT.
       Yep. (I now let out an ironic sigh as I type this).... I get to thank God for financial pain.  Ironic and painfully bizarre.  But, as I reflect on the No's from God He has given me through the years...I also can now (since its been YEARS) see,  more times than not, why No was the best answer. The real irony is that I can also see some of the Yes answers I now wish had been a No. Because, through some of my sought-after Yes prayer responses, I learned some painful lessons that grew me in my clinging-to-His-hand-walk-with-God.

     Still even so...I'm in my fifth decade and I hate No's to prayers. They still hurt SOOOO badly.  As bad as they did for the 5-year-old in the check out line. Especially, when God gives no explanation.  And when I, in my grown-up-wisdom can now argue with him so many more aspects of why he "should" be saying yes to my prayers for my idea of the best way to financially keep creditors away to unfold,  or... for healing, or... for my child's dreams to be realized.   (By the way...I have to interject that  God always comes through on the financial provision part. Just so often not in the way I expect.   Sometimes miraculously. But it is always)
      (Sign and thoughtful expression at this point as I type)... because it is a need.  Not a want. And He promises to always meet our needs.
        Prayers for dreams to be met, healing, health and wealth...well....they are not necessarily needs in the eyes of a parent who is omniscient and can see the ripples that lead to positive effects we can't even imagine from a healing that isn't given or health that doesn't improve and from wealth that remains elusive and when we're left with pockets still full of holes where the nickels and dimes just keep falling through.
         I often reflect upon Joseph.... in his dungeon jail cell for literally YEARS. The bible never says God explained to him why he was silent on what must have been repeated prayers by Joseph to get him out of there.  But he was fed.  He was sheltered.  All his basic "needs" were met in that jail. Just not his "get me out of here" want!  Not for years. Because God had a plan. Which Joseph didn't even see for another dozen or so years!

     So long story short...what I want to pass on is that you are not to try to always get your kids what they want.  Instead, Consciously add the words, "because I said so" when you tell them no.  Let them learn to know they're loved even when you choose NOT to explain yourself.  Nor that they are "due" an explanation.  They are not.  When we're told as children we have a heavenly "Father" we look to our parents for what a father or parent is...how we are loved by them helps us understand a wee bit better how we are loved by God".
      The hug on my heart when I look up to heaven and lay my head on His lap even as I keep crying because the answer I want simply isn't coming...brings a warmth to my heart that is unexplainable. Even when His answer remains silence  (translation..."No, because I said so").  My response is usually..."Is your No like the one you gave to Joseph in his jail cell?  (translation....Do you mean "No, not at this time?" ).  I'm grateful that God is totally okay with my response.  Because, unlike my parents who often added in exasperation..."and stop asking! I already told you no!"  Our Lord Jesus
never in the bible tells us to stop asking.  But to trust in the answer given at the time. Because all things best for us will come when we ask "in His time".
      Yep...when His time and our prayer coincide....you get YES!    But knowing the No doesn't mean He isn't listening, hearing, loving and answering for our best to be the answer is essential to learn. To believe. To KNOW.
 
      Bottom line, "No" is a good parental tool.

      Think about that this Christmas when you are digging into pockets and worsening or creating holes where nickels and dimes pour though...and when you're NOT  buying your soul mate a gift that would bring a smile to THEIR eyes and a recognition of your love for them and thoughtfulness directed "to them" because you are too busy trying to put shiny paper boxes under trees for the kids.
      Get your kids less this Christmas and get your soul-mate a gift that show you realize HE is the best gift from God ever. You won't always get to do that.

 
 

Gotta love sweats...so comfy. They should go. Goodwill-em.

Sweats are great. It's COLD in the mornings!  I hate cold. Not a ton of subcutaneous fat when I was younger was the reason...or so I believed till I got older and have plenty.  So now, I blame my thyroid.

But...even without my hubby here to wince when he see's me pull them out of the dresser drawer, I know I should still go to the closet and pull out a pair that might be stretchy (like a sweat) but still has an attitude of ..."lookin good"- to it.

Because your hubby should have a wife that makes him realize...he is one LUCKY guy.  The gal in
the sweat pants...not really giving that impression.  Your hubby deserves to have a wife who cares about looking good FOR him.  Yea...a bit of makeup.  Even a squirt of perfume.  Doesn't have to take more than 5 minutes..maybe only 60 seconds.   Lipstick takes 2 secs.  Tease him before he heads out that you want "some lipstick on his collar".  And if you don't have the sweats in the dresser........  you're already the woman he can't wait to come home to.