It's really hard when you ask God for something heart-wrenchingly important especially when it is for your kids. Their big eyes full of pleading tears and little hands tugging on yours as they plead for what "is THE most important and best thing ever that they truly need to be happy!" We did it ourselves when we were kids to our parents. And, after we're all grown up, we still turn our big eyes full of pleading tears and put our hands together in prayer as we ask our heavenly father for the things that can't be wrapped in shiny paper and put under Christmas trees, or, next to birthday candles.
Grown-up prayers are usually still for our kids though. Or for ourselves or our hubby but the difference is that they're usually for things you can't get in the store checkout line. Nope. Grown-up prayers are usually about health, healing, jobs, money to pay bills, and for dreams. Our dreams. Our kids dreams. And we still want, so very much, to hear God answer with "YES".
When I was a kid, I begged my folks for so many things. Always with big pleading tear-filled eyes and tugging on their hands. I got "No" a fair amount of the time. And when I demanded to know "WHY????". My Mom or Dad, who I knew loved and adored me, gave me the answer I hated the most...... "because I said so". Usually this was followed by, "and stop asking me! I already told you no!"
I know I was extremely loved by my parents. I have a memory of playing our backyard and my Dad showing up with a box of a dozen donuts in his hand and big smile on his face! I love that memory. We hadn't even asked for donuts! That's how God is. He gives us what we don't ask for but that He knows we love and delight in. And sometimes God doesn't give us what we DO ask for. Because He knows, in only His inscrutable wisdom-way, that our prayer or want isn't actually good for us, or at least, not what is "best" for us right now.
When the answer to a grown-up prayer is no...and accompanied by silence (eg: God's way of saying, "because I said so")...it hurts just as much as a no from your parent when you were 5 standing in the grocery store check out line with the toy you "had to have" in your hand. Usually worse but you can't tell from the way a 5 year old reacts...that tantrum and distress can look pretty painful! No's are hard no matter the age. Especially when all you get from God is silence (translation... "No"). But our belief in a loving God remains unshakeable when you're used to being told No by parents who loved us...so much... our whole lives. And because we're used to hearing our parents often follow their No's with the words, "because I said so"...we understand we don't always get to have an explanation.
It's important to say that to your kids! Don't give them everything they want just because they ask with tears and pleas when maybe you "don't" have the money to buy this or that thing! Or maybe just shouldn't for better budgeting reasons. And don't "not" buy your husband something REALLY GREAT for his birthday or his christmas stocking because you "spent all your christmas budget on the kids". Telling yourselves... "well...Christmas is really for kids anyways.... We're fine.... We don't have to have this or that.... We just want them to be happy" is a mistake. Santa (in every Santa film every made...gives kids ONE gift...ONE! And Jesus only got 3 gifts on Christmas...remind your kids of that. If I had Christmas's to do over again, I would give no more than 4 gifts each (3 for Jesus which is from Mom and Dad, and 1 from Santa) and buy Mike something that cost maybe as much or more than what I just spent on the kids! Because I want to see his eyes light up and to have him recognize that I put thought into him..because he is beyond special to me. Your husband is a gift from God to you...just as your kids are.
But Mike and I told ourselves ALOT of christmas'es and a lot of birthdays that it was all about the kids. And we rarely got each other much of anything. Because we didn't have lots of money in our budgets. We lived a paycheck to paycheck life. And little hand-tugs and teary eyes turned our parental hearts to mush. Thankfully...God continued to put enough holes in our budget that, in spite of mushy hearts, we had to say no. ALOT.
Yep. (I now let out an ironic sigh as I type this).... I get to thank God for financial pain. Ironic and painfully bizarre. But, as I reflect on the No's from God He has given me through the years...I also can now (since its been YEARS) see, more times than not, why No was the best answer. The real irony is that I can also see some of the Yes answers I now wish had been a No. Because, through some of my sought-after Yes prayer responses, I learned some painful lessons that grew me in my clinging-to-His-hand-walk-with-God.
Still even so...I'm in my fifth decade and I hate No's to prayers. They still hurt SOOOO badly. As bad as they did for the 5-year-old in the check out line. Especially, when God gives no explanation. And when I, in my grown-up-wisdom can now argue with him so many more aspects of why he "should" be saying yes to my prayers for my idea of the best way to financially keep creditors away to unfold, or... for healing, or... for my child's dreams to be realized. (By the way...I have to interject that God always comes through on the financial provision part. Just so often not in the way I expect. Sometimes miraculously. But it is always)
(Sign and thoughtful expression at this point as I type)... because it is a need. Not a want. And He promises to always meet our needs.
Prayers for dreams to be met, healing, health and wealth...well....they are not necessarily needs in the eyes of a parent who is omniscient and can see the ripples that lead to positive effects we can't even imagine from a healing that isn't given or health that doesn't improve and from wealth that remains elusive and when we're left with pockets still full of holes where the nickels and dimes just keep falling through.
I often reflect upon Joseph.... in his dungeon jail cell for literally YEARS. The bible never says God explained to him why he was silent on what must have been repeated prayers by Joseph to get him out of there. But he was fed. He was sheltered. All his basic "needs" were met in that jail. Just not his "get me out of here" want! Not for years. Because God had a plan. Which Joseph didn't even see for another dozen or so years!
So long story short...what I want to pass on is that you are not to try to always get your kids what they want. Instead, Consciously add the words, "because I said so" when you tell them no. Let them learn to know they're loved even when you choose NOT to explain yourself. Nor that they are "due" an explanation. They are not. When we're told as children we have a heavenly "Father" we look to our parents for what a father or parent is...how we are loved by them helps us understand a wee bit better how we are loved by God".
The hug on my heart when I look up to heaven and lay my head on His lap even as I keep crying because the answer I want simply isn't coming...brings a warmth to my heart that is unexplainable. Even when His answer remains silence (translation..."No, because I said so"). My response is usually..."Is your No like the one you gave to Joseph in his jail cell? (translation....Do you mean "No, not at this time?" ). I'm grateful that God is totally okay with my response. Because, unlike my parents who often added in exasperation..."and stop asking! I already told you no!" Our Lord Jesus
never in the bible tells us to stop asking. But to trust in the answer given at the time. Because all things best for us will come when we ask "in His time".
Yep...when His time and our prayer coincide....you get YES! But knowing the No doesn't mean He isn't listening, hearing, loving and answering for our best to be the answer is essential to learn. To believe. To KNOW.
Bottom line, "No" is a good parental tool.
Think about that this Christmas when you are digging into pockets and worsening or creating holes where nickels and dimes pour though...and when you're NOT buying your soul mate a gift that would bring a smile to THEIR eyes and a recognition of your love for them and thoughtfulness directed "to them" because you are too busy trying to put shiny paper boxes under trees for the kids.
Get your kids less this Christmas and get your soul-mate a gift that show you realize HE is the best gift from God ever. You won't always get to do that.
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